kyung

just me

I'm so relieved that May is over. So far June has been tender. The past week though ive been feeling very calm. Not happy, not sad, just very neutral, almost numb. But its not a negative thing, its actually comforting.

I'm flying out to cali in 5 days, i can't wait to go back and see the friendly faces and feel the familiar hugs. I keep telling myself that this big decision of moving back home was the right thing, and i know it is, but ive never felt so alone. Its not that i didnt feel lonely when i was living in l.a. I mean c'mon, it's the "lonely city." But this loneliness has just grown deeper. But i dont think its necessarily a negative thing.

This last relationship really had me messed up for awhile. I really dont think ive ever had anyone make me feel so insignificant. I went around beating myself up, and pretty hard. I think more then i deserved, more then anyone deserved to. It has changed me, i feel and think different about things, about myself, about my life in general. Again, this is all not a detrimental thing though. I do feel that im now, finally, "finding myself," more then i ever have done before.....maybe thats why i feel more alone, being on this solitary crossing has left me exactly with what i had from the beginning; just myself.

posted by yellowgirl @ 10:39 AM