la la people in la la land
This morning i went into work with my friend. As we were driving pass an intersection, we see this Jeep drive up and stop, waiting to turn right. I saw from the distance that he was dragging something along the side of his car. As we got closer to him, we realized right when we were about to pass him by that the lengthy object was actually the hose from a gas station pump! Yes people, he had the FULL hose, nozzle and all still attached to his gas tank, driving around aimlessly in los angeles. My friend and i were stunned, we laughed of course, but were baffled more than anything. Did he know that he just drove off with the hose still connected to his car? Did he just pump and bail?? Was this just some sort of joke??? We concluded that he must have known about this because the hose was so long. It dragged all along the street, and then some. Maybe it was part of a hidden camera prank.......i guess we will never know.
Man i love l.a.
better not then have?
I was talking with a friend of mine today about "1st kisses." He tells me that all his first kisses were in a car. How sad. So, i got to thinking of my own firsters. I tried and tried to think of my great 1st kiss, but, i couldnt think of one either! I realized after much thought processing, that i was now just trying to find the least lamest from the pool of lames that i had as well.
I definitely dont like the 1st kiss to be at a moment in the night where its "supposed" to happen, like at the end of the evening and he walks u to your door. That's so predictable, and ive been known to purposely not kiss the guy because of that exact reason. And let us not forget the car. This is not any better. Maybe if i was still in highschool, but now that im more grown up (realize i said "more") and the older we get, the more complicated everything else gets and tends to need to be.
So when is the perfect time? Well, i dont think there is one. After much thinking, and i do think alot. The best 1st kiss moments are the ones that never actually happen. Your face, slowly lures closer to his. Time seems to stop for that exact moment. Your heart beats at an unfamiliar rhythm, as your breathing gets heavy. You can feel his warm breath seeping into your lungs, and your lips part slightly getting ready to taste his. But, for whatever reason, your lips never touch, it never happens. That moment just holds in place. It reaches a boundary that can not cross. Both urges are strong and similiar, but for whatever reason, time starts back up, the earth continues to spin. And that "what could be" disippates. There may be other elements involved to cause the cease. Maybe the kiss would possibly stir up future complications, or unnecessary drama, or even just a simple blissed sin.
But which ever it may be, those, in my opinion, are the best 1st kiss.
opposite
im such a tard when it comes to boys. maybe thats why ive always had bad luck with relationships, but then again, it seems that EVERYONE has bad luck, so does that make everyone tards? Then if everyone's a tard, doesnt that make everyone not a tard?
sorry im back from that last ramble. i did realize that when im with a guy that i am not interested in romantically, im way more comfortable with him. im more talkative, more goofy, more affectionate all around. i never hesitate to hug him, or play around with him. maybe because i have nothing to lose since my feelings are not on the line. but when it comes to guys that i do like, im the complete opposite. i'll rarely talk to him, even LOOK at him. im usually really calm and laid back. i will act completely uninterested in him. hmmph =/
yep, its official, im a tard.
just me
I'm so relieved that May is over. So far June has been tender. The past week though ive been feeling very calm. Not happy, not sad, just very neutral, almost numb. But its not a negative thing, its actually comforting.
I'm flying out to cali in 5 days, i can't wait to go back and see the friendly faces and feel the familiar hugs. I keep telling myself that this big decision of moving back home was the right thing, and i know it is, but ive never felt so alone. Its not that i didnt feel lonely when i was living in l.a. I mean c'mon, it's the "lonely city." But this loneliness has just grown deeper. But i dont think its necessarily a negative thing.
This last relationship really had me messed up for awhile. I really dont think ive ever had anyone make me feel so insignificant. I went around beating myself up, and pretty hard. I think more then i deserved, more then anyone deserved to. It has changed me, i feel and think different about things, about myself, about my life in general. Again, this is all not a detrimental thing though. I do feel that im now, finally, "finding myself," more then i ever have done before.....maybe thats why i feel more alone, being on this solitary crossing has left me exactly with what i had from the beginning; just myself.
Trilogy
The one good thing thus far has been my new job. I did make it to my interview and landed it. I started immediately and i really liked it. But i did say this was a 3 parter, right? Well what more could go wrong? Lots.
After my successful interview, i went to my local bank. I was happy there was a Wamu in chicago now. After doing a transaction there, i find out that one of my checking account had been depleted. Someone in mexico was walking around, enjoying life with $900 of my money. Ive always heard from others about credit card fraud or identity fraud, but i never thought it would happen directly to me. And all of you will be thinking the same thing as u read my disaster. But luckily, illegal transactions were made the day i was in the air in route from l.a. to chicago. But, it will still take some time for the bank to investigate and to refund my money. Til then, my pockets get darker and darker.
As i was at the bank though, taking care of this matter, my dad calls me to ask where i was. I tell him and then he gives me the message that one of my mom's good friend passed away. She had been diagnosed with cancer a week ago and just started her chemo, and supposedly doing a bit better. So this was all a shock to all of us. Of course i was saddened by this, not for the friend, but for my mother.
Can this be the finale? Unfortunately, this is life, and life loves to throw in constant curve balls. About a week after, i had already started my job, it seemed to be going really well. The weekend came, and i was looking forward to going out with some friends. I really needed it. As i was getting ready at home, i get alarmed by my mom running up to her room, bursting into tears. I think to myself, uh oh, what now. Find out that her dad, my grandfather, passed away. But its not as simple as "oh we lost someone we loved and now we are sad." Of course it's more complicated then that. We're talking now about my life, people. My mom's father lived in korea, and my family and i were planning on visiting this august. Sounds great huh? Well we haven't been back in korea since we had left it 27 years ago. So u can put 2 and 2 together. My mom hadn't seen her father in 27 years, and we were finally going this summer, but no, he couldnt wait til after we came to kick the bucket. There were a lot of consequential drama between my mom and dad. A lot of blaming and pointing fingers on who's fault it was that she had never gone to visit even once, and now it was too late.
For some of you that know me, and know me pretty well, have always thought of me as this pretty strong individual. Someone who can always survive anything. But there were a few moments that i really felt like i was going to drown. My mind was dizzy from all the constant spinning. My heart was being torn in multiple directions. I really didnt know if was going to make it through, i dont know if i really wanted to.
But i did.
